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| General
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| Music
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| Movies
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Pulp Fiction, Godfather 1 & 2, Friday, Delirious, RAW, Krush Groove, Lock Stock & 2 Smoking Barrels Gladiator, Predator, Untouchables, Airplane, Top Secret, Kentucky Fried Movie, Star Wars, Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi for true fans check out my bro's fan flic - it won an award at Comicon - Contract of Evil (www.contractofevil.com) My Cousin Vinny, Breakin', Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo What's Up Tiger Lilly? Braveheart, Heat, Raiders of the Lost Ark Transformers: the Movie, Gladiator, Casablanca, Menace II Society, First Blood, Rocky I - IV, Transformers the Movie,,
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| Television
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John Stewart, Bill Maher, Discovery Channel, baseball tonight, any show where animals kick dumb humans' asses any show where dumbass humans fall off of stuff or get hit in the groin by stuff History Channel, Deadwood, Entourage, Spider Man and His Amazing Friends Street Fighter cartoon, Dungeons & Dragons cartoon, Animal Planet Most Extreme Dirty Jobs,
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| Hobbies
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| Gender |
Male
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| Status |
Single |
| Here
For |
the Darkside, Foo' |
| Orientation |
Straight, Foo' |
| Hometown |
Wesssssiiiiiiide, Foo' |
| Body
Type |
Amazing |
| Ethnicity |
colored |
| Religion |
Jack Danielsanity |
| Sign |
Fo' fingers up, 2 twisted in the middle. |
| Smoke |
No |
| Drink |
On social occasions |
| Children |
need to be whupped |
| Education |
is overrated, be a rapper or an athlete |
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Current |
Stanford Law School
Palo Alto, CA Foo' |
| Previous |
Amherst College
Amherst, MA Foo' |
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Untitled Document
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I'm the Mighty Mr. BobDawgsta fool. I gots "first strike" "trample", AND I come in with "haste" but you wouldn't know that cuz you a big Barry White lookin muthafuckah so get off my back. I'm laid back about myself but intense about what I do (whoa that sounds like some Maya Angelou shit). I'm surprisingly cuddly. Actually I'm overwhelmingly cuddly. In fact it's ridiculous how cuddly I am. It's really truly amazing. I'm a good guy. I use baby powder on my balls from time to time. I have found great solace and strength through my devotion to my Lord and Savior Jack Daniels. I was voted one of People Magazine's "51 Most Beautiful People" last year but they decided to cut it off at 50 at the last second...Now I'm probably at like 62 or something cuz I haven't been working out. My pimp slap is legenmuthafuckindary especially the patented "dragon wing back-hand from the neutral launch position." This one is like my stealth bomber pimp slap cuz it comes in sideways slicing through the air silently (yes like a dragon wing) and it only rotates to POC ("Position On Contact") at the last instant so that not only is the fool or ho destroyed but his or her friends didn't hear dat shit comin'. When executed right like I always do it sounds like dis: "ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss BOW! Tssst." This is opposed to the usual unpatented Five Fingers of Open Handed Death pimp slap that is widely used at the various stages of pimpslapdom. That pimp slap while easy to learn is hard to master. It also starts from the neutral launch position but before the elbow reaches beyond 27 degrees open angle the 5 fingers (based as it were, on an average pimp's hand numericness) are open and spread -- thus creating a loud whistle (when executed properly like I always do) like a big ass missile is dropping like wwwwwhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr like some high pitched shit like that and then as the fool or the ho tries to detect the direction of the oncoming onslaught he or she is utterly destroyed. This feature by the way, is why it is also called the "Whistling Porcupine Pimp Slap" and the "Five Open and Spread Fingers that Whistle Pimp Slap." I was posted up at this bar the other day practicing said pimp slaps on my imaginary hos "Suqdiss" and "Getdese" and this fat jheri-curl dude was like "Where is yo bitches Mr. Big Time pimp?" I hate that shit. I already told him that I can't get in touch with my bitches cuz the phone in the limosine is busted. What is he ignerent? I've been accused of being emotionally unavailable but I don't think it's true. I think the word is "incapable". That's not true. I had emotions once. But that was a tuesday and I was off-balance. Since then I have cut that shit out. Oh can't forget to say west up to Noccout008 Scott Dawgsta woowoo.
I was once told that what's intriguing about me is that I'm just as likely to be reading Stephen Hawking as I am to be in a bar brawl. A guh sed dat tamee. I wuh lite "READIN'? WHO YOU SEEN READIN' GUH? NOT BOBDAWGSTA WOOWOO! KEEPIN' IT REAAAAAAL! REAL DUMB." But I admit I can read my muddafuckin' ass off. I can count too: one two, fo', five, nigga whut?!?!? Countin' deez rocks beotch!
Remember the Big Bad Wolf? That was my brother. My little brother... Oh why did the chicken cross the road? Cuz BobDawg is the shit beotch. No seriously, why did the chicken cross the road? I don't fuckin' know to tell you the truth. What do I look like fuckin' Rain Man to you?
I've always been on the beaten path with school my career (law) and other things and I'm working on being more adventurous and spontaneous. That's why I tried that new Budweiser that's a can but is shaped like a bottle. Man that shit is CRAZY! I also went on Survivor as part of that new commitment. It was fun but when I got back I found out my best friend was engaged. Now he's married and shit. Whut Da Fuck?!?!?. I was like "I don't even know you anymore! Tssssst RICKY!" I'm over it now and he's happy so I'm happy (or I would be if I had emotions) but that will teach me to go on reality tv shows...I only have one word to say about reality tv shows: "Fuckrealitytvshows." I think it's funny when some dumbass goes into the jungle or plains messing with some animal and gets his ass kicked in front of the camera and his kids and God and Evel Knievel and everybody...One thing I hate is when black comedians say that same old dumbass played out joke: "white people they do it like THIS don't they?!?! But BLACK people weeeee dooooooo it like THIIIIIIS! Don't we? Beautiful black people give yo' sevs a clap." Still I have to admit when it comes to gettin' fucked up on camera by animals that weren't fuckin' with you in the first place I have to give the title to white people on that one. White people they get kicked in the head by a horse after searing his balls with a cigarette like this. BLACK people we be like "Sheeeeit muthafuckah. Ain't no muthafuckin' horse kickin' my muthafuckin' ass in da muthafuckin' head muthafuckah. Ahmfrum Compton, nigga." I think snake bites are funny too cuz no one would get bitten by a snake on camera unless they were fuckin' around with the snake. Snakes don't be trippin'... That's kind of my rule in life. "Don't be trippin". That and "Drink hard shit big." Oh and "Mr. BobDawg is the shit beotch..." but that's kind of everyone's rule in life I guess...
Oh the other thing I like: I like it when the booze says 'You don’t really want to drink me' and I say 'Shut up fucker, and get in my throat' then I drink it and the fuckin’ booze says 'Got you fucker!'”
Now for some random quotes about Chuck Norris...for a REAL laugh plug in "The Mighty Mr. BobDawgsta" in for Chuck Norris. No really, try it. It's really really funny. Funny not like ha ha but funny b/c dang that shit is true...woo woo.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles because hair does not grow on steel.
Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Chuck Norris.
Here's a couple about Mr. T...
Complaining of back pain Atlas once asked Mr. T to hold up the world for him. Mr. T agreed on the condition that in exchange Atlas would wear Mr. T's golden necklaces. After five minutes of excruciating pain Atlas asked for the world back.
Statistically speaking you're more likely to be pitied by Mr. T than you are to have feet.
Stephen Hawking was once a strapping young athlete and genius until Mr. T unleashed upon him his Theory of Pittitivity and labeled him a fool. The gravity of the situation crashed down upon poor Hawking and left him how he is today.
Now for some Homer Simpson quotes:
"They have the Internet on computers now?"
"Well you know boys a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button."
"I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here."
“The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The drunk says 'Are you gonna drink that'?"
“We’ve had enough to drink. Now let’s have too much.” -- BobDawg 30th bday, 2003, |
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Spanish Translation by Google
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